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First Half of 2015

By Nabashis Mishra | Category :: Writing Article

Time has a way of sneaking past us behind our eyes. It's a cruel reminder that we ain't gonna live forever despite our desperate attemps at longevity. I, however, has watched it with eyes wide open. I've seen it. To some, it's the vulture that stalks those that have expired yet keep on going. Others, it's the blood and sperm of new life.

Here I am, halfway through 2015, and I'm typing a post that needed to be typed. And unfortunately, it's nearly six months that my anxiety, depression, and worthlessness has thieved from me. What the hell was happening in that small fragment of mere existance? I'll tell you.

Life was happening. Death was happening. Just like it always has been, and just as it always will be.

I, however, can't show for any of that lost time. What does it mean to be a man? What are ''manly'' qualities? Who am I, and what the hell am I doing? Where am I going? What is life like beyond the glass cage ? How do I identify myself? A man, or a human being? These are few of the mysteries I can't answer right now. When will I make the answers? I don't know. All the while, time marches on.

Okay, in all honesty, I've been allowing the thieves of time do their dirty work. It's too comfortable not to change. Taking risks is too risky. And that comfort has been my poison. My own comfy cyanide. Sure, I'd like to be healthy one day. I'd like to share my multi-faceted intimacy with one person, or with friends I can experience in-person. I'd like to start my life, bla bla bla.

But the poison is too good. I want a way out. -sigh-

No one is telling me to do anything. No one is guiding me. No one in-person encourages me. I can't do this on my own. The public only sees me if I'm wearing eye-catching graphic t-shirts or I have money. I've been denied. I am being denied. I am being condemned to male-dominated stereotypes (riding a motorcycle and listening to metal music) that I try to escape from. It's not the sausage fest I signed up for.

In the end, or MY end, time will continue its eternal reign.

What will I be doing with the remainder half of 2015? I don't know. Is anyone single? (Hehe.)

By Nabashis Mishra | Aug 31, 2015 | Category > Article >Writing | Comments | Views 1955

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